The Danger of Trying to Fix Our Partners

February 14, 2017

Fairly often someone calls me at home or at work and tells me their marriage is in trouble. They ask if they can come see me. I explain that I am a professor of family life but not a therapist. That almost never deters them.They—usually a couple but sometimes one partner—set an appointment to come to see me. They are always in deep pain. I often do something they don’t expect. They come prepared to process a litany of complaints and a load of discouragement. They often expect me to be able to sort it out and equip them with a new tool for relationship repair.That is not what I do. Instead I ask them to tell me about a time when things have been great in their marriage—when they have felt close, loving, and happy. Being able to do that is a very good sign. It means they have not destroyed the possibility of love.) [read more at Meridian]

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